Trailer Trash (...Huh? Edition)

Here is a trailer for the history books. A trailer so mind-blowingly strange, derivative and painful that it is an experience the likes of which I have not had watching one in a long time. Observe:

Upon first gaze, it may seem like any old subpar children’s movie, but I submit one portion of the trailer which has befuddled me so. From 1:29-1:41 the trailer makes no narrative sense. A gnome steps on a switch, which starts a light show in a suburban backyard which is apparently set to the Tiki Room song. I grew up in the suburbs, and I’m sure many of you are familiar with them. Palm Tree Castle Tiki Room light shows are not a common occurrence. That’s leaving out the random flying mushroom which lands in a frog’s mouth, which the frog is apparently attracted to. The final chapter of 2001: A Space Odyssey is more cut-and-dry.

Also, the trailer seems to find it original that their subjects pretend to be inanimate around humans. Apparently “Shrek 2 Director Kelly Asbury” hasn’t seen three of the best animated films since computer animation began. Their titles rhyme with Coy Lorry.

Frankly, I’m having a difficult time writing about this trailer. It is so ineptly edited into a fragmented jumble, so incredibly strange that words do not do it justice. It features the music of Elton John? Really? Clearly Pixar missed the boat when they didn’t feature the music of David Bowie in Up. Even stranger is the cast, not the least of which is Michael Freaking Caine. I would be angry, but I can assure myself that this will, at worst, be the second worst movie he’s starred in.

Other voice talents are provided by James McAvoy, Emily Blunt, Jason Statham, Ozzy Osbourne, Patrick Stewart and Seth MacFarlane, and this is an odd career choice for just about all of them. No, wait, Seth MacFarlane I totally get.