Red (Review)

Essentially, Red is the Betty White phenomenon in movie form, a feature-length project based solely on the idea that old people doing what old people shouldn’t be doing is inherently entertaining. The thing is, that formula has paid off of late, and as such White has had an unprecedented career resurgence in the past year. While she herself does not star in Red, it’s quite clear the filmmakers are looking to capitalize by striking the same notes, only in the guise of an action movie.

The final results are incredibly hit-or-miss, one moment engaging and entertaining the audience while the next dies on the screen. The cast is remarkable all around, featuring veteran actors who, for the most part, seem like they’re having a good time. On a technical level, however, the film is alternately distracting and abrasive. When all was said and done I came to the realization I didn’t have much of a reaction to Red. It certainly exists, it holds your interest from time-to-time, but by God does it feel underwhelming. I went in expecting to be taken on a moderately fun ride, but the film only meets you halfway.

So, the premise: Old people shooting things. We begin with Bruce Willis as Frank Moses, doing one of his autopilot performances, sitting at home in the midst of his boring, boring retirement. Then, one night his house gets shot up real good and he begins to suspect he’s being hunted by the CIA. He grabs the woman he’s been having intimate phone conversations with (Mary-Louise Parker) and they head off to find out what’s going on. We meet a few other retired agents from Frank’s past, including Joe (Morgan Freeman), Marvin (John Malkovich) and Victoria (Helen Mirren).

What’s the greatest shame to me about this movie is that the best performances are given by the actors the film inexplicably cares the least about. Malkovich absolutely steals every scene he’s in and runs with it too the hills as a slightly deranged ex-agent who was the victim of a mind experiment, and Mirren doesn’t show up until about halfway through as a bloodthirsty assassin. Yes, you read that right. Freeman is so underused it’s truly shocking. The main characters, played by Willis, Parker and nemesis Karl Urban are so thoroughly uninteresting that you yearn for just one more frame of Malkovich holding his stuffed pig. Just one… measly… frame…

I might have been able to derive the cheap joy that was intended from this movie if the direction/editing/musical score were not so awful. Red is a film that would have been best served with a director that stepped back and let his actors go to work, but some of the transitions between scenes is shockingly obnoxious. But, oh, what a terrible, incessant, unimaginative score this film has! I am one to pay attention to a movie’s music because it can make or break a scene, but here it just does a whole lot of breaking. It consists mostly of heavy rock guitar riffs that would make Fuel squirm, and for some reason or another it never stops. There is not a quiet scene in this film, and there is always bass playing beneath even the calmest of scenes. I suppose this was intended to add energy, but I found it aggravating. Most of these actors have been in films of great style and class, but here they find themselves on board a poorly made Robert Schwentke film. His last project was The Time Traveler’s Wife.

All the more disappointing, the actors (particularly Mirren) seem to be having a blast, but for one reason or another that fun just does not reach the audience. Betty White has been funny because, well, she’s Betty freakin’ White. Here Schwentke does his best to make a film that should be funny and exciting as uninteresting as possible. One in a while some joy shines through, but all too often it sits there on the screen without much life.

Rating:  (out of 4)