No Strings Attached (Review)

Ladies and gentlemen, we have entered the age of the “friends with benefits” romantic comedy. This past autumn Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway started this trend with the Edward Zwick enigma Love and Other Drugs. Now the genre returns with No Strings Attached, a movie which, based on the title, could only be about two things: haunted marionettes, or two young attractive kids who decide to start a purely sexual relationship. Sadly, No Strings Attached is the latter.

The two leads this time are Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman, who play Adam and Emma, respectively. They have a history that goes back to their childhood, frequently running into each other either at summer camp, a University of Michigan (boo!) frat party, or some market in the middle of Los Angeles. Fate seems intent on keeping them together, but Emma will have none of it. You see, she doesn’t believe in this devilry you call monogamy, insisting on maintaining an existence free of commitment. Adam feels something more for Emma, but he’s willing to go along with her way of life because, hey, he gets to have sex with her a lot. When he complains, his best friends played by Jake Johnson and Ludacris (!) are there to remind him that he’s in a position most guys would love to be in, but darn it all Adam just wants more than this!

From there it goes through all the usual motions. Does Emma begin to fear that she’s getting too attached to Adam? You betcha! Do they eventually decide to break up because of this? You betcha! Is there another woman that Adam starts to fall for once Emma leaves him? You betcha! Do Adam and Emma eventually realize that they’re destined to be together? I’ll never tell! That’d be a spoiler, you see.

What doesn’t help is that Emma seems to have no real reason for fearing monogamy, and as such her character is mostly infuriating. She goes out of her way to make it clear that yes, she does like Adam, but they can't be together! Why not? Just because, I guess. Not even Natalie Portman, who gave one of the best female performances of 2010 in Black Swan, can save Emma from intolerability.

Then there’s Ashton Kutcher, a likable enough guy in the real world, but not much of an actor. It doesn’t help that he chooses to play the same character in every film he’s in, and No Strings Attached is just another addition to the generic Kutcher pantheon. That said, he’s still a guy who is able to charm the black off a telegram boy (anyone?) and as such Adam comes off as the more engaging of the two leads.

No Strings Attached was directed by Ivan Reitman, father of Jason. He’s had a long, relatively distinguished career directing comedies, but since his heyday in the 80’s it’s been a long trip downhill. This is his first film since 2006’s My Super Ex-Girlfriend. Remember that one? Me neither. He’s a very capable director, but what attracted him to this material I’ll never know. Not that he's the only one who has been seduced by such material. Later this year Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis are starring together in a movie entitled... wait for it... Friends with Benefits.

It’s all very pretty to look at, mostly due to the actors and the beautiful Los Angeles scenery. Sadly, this does more damage to the film than good. It’s likely a movie that was intended to be more “honest” and “gritty,” but when you pack your movie with the likes of Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher immediately the film’s artificiality will begin to take over. The audience loses any way in quickly, when it is revealed Adam works as a writer’s assistant on a TV show in the vein of High School Musical. His grand conflict is that he wants to be part of the writing staff, but he just can’t find his way in. On top of that, his father (Kevin Kline) is a well-known celebrity known for his work on an old sitcom called Great Scott. Let’s review: Adam is a quite wealthy and attractive young man who is casually sleeping with Natalie Portman. He works on a popular TV show, yet we’re supposed to feel sorry for him because he’s not on the writing staff?

You don’t know these people.

Rating:  (out of 4)