As I am a card-carrying film fanatic, I believe that it is important to keep my thumb on the pulse of all types of cinema. (Just ignore the fact they always tell you that one should never check a pulse with their thumb.) I enjoy high-brow prestige pictures as much as the next guy, but to truly understand the entire film universe I feel that it is my duty to equally explore the realm of absolute crap. Thus begins “Adventures in Atrocity,” a new feature where I will explore movies frequently referred to as some of the worst of all time. Think of it as the polar opposite of my “Greatest” feature.
Whenever a discussion of horrifically bad movies begins, one of the first movies to come up is Battlefield Earth, a 2000 sci-fi “epic” starring Barry Pepper, John Travolta and Forest Whitaker. For a while I chose to ignore this movie, mostly because I felt there were better ways to use my time. For instance, I could feed a starving child. I could clean oil-soaked seagulls. Heck, I could just sit down on the grass and watch the people walk by. Most importantly, I could not waste valuable electricity watching Battlefield Earth on my computer. But watch it I did.
Here’s the thing about this movie: I’m fully convinced that in another Fringe-esque universe, there’s a movie called Battlefield Earth that’s considered an absolute masterpiece. Somewhere beneath the atrocious visuals, the laborious dialogue and the cartoonish performances, there might be a compelling story to be told here. A real basic plot about humanity overtaking an alien race that’s run the planet for an entire millennium? I’d watch that. The problem with this movie is in the details. Battlefield Earth is a film that does the details so, so incredibly wrong. Everyone involved here knows how to make a movie. No one knows how to make a movie well. Every decision that went into the making of this film is the incorrect one.
Here’s a clip from Battlefield Earth, so you may get a clearer picture of the kind of film I’m talking about. This may be the movie’s most famous scene, and justifiably so.
An entire blog post could be spent dissecting all that is wrong with these three minutes alone, but it’s also a great microcosm of what is wrong with the entire movie. It’s obvious that Battlefield Earth wants so badly to be a Star Wars film. Where it misses the boat is that the original Star Wars trilogy focuses on an exceedingly simple story about a young, reluctant hero. This film finds the idiotic politics of funky-haired aliens far more interesting than whether or not the “man-animals” can take back their planet. When it’s revealed in the clip above that Travolta is to remain on planet Earth for another 50 cycles WITH ENDLESS OPTIONS FOR RENEWAL, the sentence is repeated so many times that the filmmakers seemed to think they had a line on their hands comparable to “frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
Perhaps the focus on intergalactic politics would have been acceptable if the screenplay had half a brain when dealing with the issue. I am one of the few willing to give the Star Wars prequels (some) credit when it comes to the handling of affairs of state. While these sequences probably didn’t need to exist, George Lucas at least attempted to create his own universe and do something mildly creative with it. In Battlefield Earth, the gigantic government body we’re supposed to be afraid of is called “The Home Office.” Oh boy.
This brings us to our next point: Battlefield Earth’s aesthetic can best be described as “sewage-like.” Great sci-fi films enchant us with their universe. Battlefield Earth induces nausea. Every scene is indescribably dark, dank and ugly. And the make-up… oy, the make-up. Actors on this film likely spent hours sitting in a chair donning the gigantic, ugly hair that they are supposed to wear throughout. Little did they know they’d come out looking like a seasick toad. All of this is captured by director Roger Christian and cinematographer Giles Nuttgens through some of the most random canted angles of all time. Good movies use angles like this for a reason, and not just to say “look ma! I’m directing!”
What elevates Battlefield Earth from boring trainwreck to “holy @#%#$#” trainwreck are the hilariously batty performances. Before I begin, let me remind you that every—and I mean every—main actor in this film has been great somewhere else. That said, John Travolta’s acting in this film is out of a bad Saturday morning cartoon. Perhaps he was so enthusiastic because this movie was his passion project from the very beginning, but he loses control early and often in this one. He speaks in an aggressively silly voice, and does things with his face that I would have been better off not seeing at all. Forest Whitaker is also quite terrible, as he probably saw what Travolta was doing and thought he had to match him. As far as Barry Pepper is concerned, he pretty much just keeps running around while occasionally pausing to make an angry caveman face. There’s one point in the film where his character makes the stupidest decision I’ve ever seen a movie character make, and that is saying something, my friend. I shan’t spoil it here, as I truly think this movie is—in a roundabout way—very much worth your time.
One cannot discuss Battlefield Earth without at least mentioning Scientology. Okay, consider it mentioned. Moving on…
Battlefield Earth went on to become one of the biggest failures of all time, both financially and critically. It is the rare film that elicits a laugh simply when one says the title. Even the worst films make a few good decisions. Not Battlefield Earth. Most bad films are forgettable because the people involved realize they’re wasting their time and decide to phone it in. Battlefield Earth is the rare case actors and filmmakers pouring their heart and soul into something that is so clearly a miscalculation. Everyone involved gives 110 percent effort. As a result, the final film is 110 percent awful.
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