Abduction (2011)

There have been a great many evil villains throughout the history of film. In most cases, there will inevitably come a point in the story where said villain begins a conversation with our usually-masculine hero. This conversation usually comes just a few scenes before the climax, and it is here the villain claims that if the hero does not comply with his/her demands, he/she will kill the hero’s loved ones, family, etc. In the case of John Singleton’s Abduction, this conversation is between the young Nathan Price (Taylor Lautner) and the perhaps-Russian-but-definitely-evil Viktor Kozlow (Michael Nyqvist). The discussion goes down exactly as you’d expect, with one unique exception: Abduction may be the first film in which the villain’s great threat is that he will kill all of the protagonist’s Facebook friends. In case you were wondering, no, this was not meant as a joke. It is played completely straight. In the preposterous world of Abduction, this is the most ominous threats a supervillain can make. This scene is just one example of what makes Abduction so hilariously awful; it’s an ill-advised attempt to take a Bourne-esque plot and package it so that it appeals to the pre-teen Twilight crowd. How do they accomplish this? Through clunky references to social media, Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber, because that’s what the kids are into, right?

And you know who else the kids like? Taylor Lautner. Therefore, Hollywood has decided that he is capable of being an action star. In Abduction, he plays the creatively-named Nathan Price, who’s just your average high school dude who goes around doing average high school dude things, which apparently includes getting trashed at My Super Sweet Sixteen-worthy parties and getting into brawls in the backyard with your father. When he discovers (through incredibly contrived means) that he is not actually who he thinks he is, suddenly a bunch of nameless special agents start showing with the intention to kidnap or kill him. So he runs away, with the hottie across the street Karen (Lily Collins) in tow. It just gets more ridiculous from there; culminating in a chase scene set during a Pittsburgh Pirates game. Abduction is a film that strains credulity from minute one, but never is it more preposterous than when it suggests PNC Park might actually sell out.

Abduction has a shockingly stacked supporting cast, most of whom exert little-to-no effort and just seem to be awaiting the paycheck at the end of the day. Lautner’s parents are played by Jason Isaacs and Maria Bello, a prominent CIA officer is played by Alfred Molina, and another key role is played by an obviously disinterested Sigourney Weaver. These are all great actors who all seem wholly cognizant of the fact that they are stuck in an absolute stinker. Even more depressing? This is the first directorial effort from John Singleton since 2005’s Four Brothers. There was a time (the early ’90s) when Singleton was heralded as one of the great young directors in Hollywood, but this film barely seems to have been “directed” so much as it was “manufactured.” It’s mind-boggling that this was the film that brought Singleton back into the ring.

As depressing as Abduction is, I should also point out that it is often hilarious. Many of the unintentional laughs come courtesy of Lautner’s “acting”—it’s as strained a leading performance as I’ve seen in a long time—but the horrible screenplay does him no favors. Besides the aforementioned “Facebook friends” conversation, these actors are also forced to blurt out lines like “a few days ago we were only high school kids, and it feels like a lifetime ago” with a straight face. The action scenes all feel like modernized versions of sequences we’ve seen before, and no opportunity for Lautner to take his shirt off is ever wasted. All this takes place in a universe filled with so much Apple product placement that they feasibly could have gotten an above-the-title sponsorship. Perhaps then the artificiality of the proceedings would have been suitably transparent.

If Abduction is any indication, Lautner may have a long and fruitful career ahead of him as a stunt double. He asserts himself rather well during the action sequences, even if many of the stunts—which he appeared to perform himself—seemed a bit like showing off. As an actual actor, he still has a long way to go. His role in this film isn’t even all that demanding, but he doesn’t seem capable of really selling his character’s emotions. In most cases, he makes Nathan seem only mildly interested in the events going on around him. None of this is likely to matter for the Team Jacob fans who will catapult this film to box office success, as their squeals of delight whenever Lautner is inexplicably shirtless will likely drown out the usually-laughable dialogue. He’s got the physique and face of a movie star, but he doesn’t have the charisma quite yet.

GRADE: D