Style over substance isn’t always a bad thing. For proof, look no further than this year’s Drive, in which plot took a back seat to the slow burn of Nicolas Winding Refn’s too-cool-for-school style. The best moments in Drive work because of how they were directed; not necessarily because of the material that was being used. To a much lesser degree, this is true of Tarsem Singh’s Immortals, which has one of the thinnest—and most idiotic—screenplays ever to get produced by a major Hollywood studio. (That may sound like hyperbole, but I’m not entirely convinced it is.) And yet… it is a truly awesome movie to look at. There are shots in Immortals that I have not been able to forget since, though there are just as many moments that made me want to tear my hair out in frustration. Even most “style over substance” films have something to them—Drive at least used it to illustrate the psychology of the main character—but Immortals is just two hours of empty calories. Empirically speaking, it is one of the worst movies of the year, though you may not realize it amidst all the striking imagery.
The overall plot of the film is this: King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) is on a mission to free the Titans from Mount Tartarus in order to declare war on the gods, who he feels have failed him. He seeks the Epirus Bow, which is really powerful and stuff and can be used to free the aforementioned Titans. He believes that the oracle Phaedra (Freida Pinto) can see where the bow is, and so he tries to kidnap her and force her into confessing. Meanwhile, there is Theseus (future superman Henry Cavill), a mortal who has been trained by Zeus in disguise (Luke Evans as young Zeus/John Hurt as old Zeus) to become one of the strongest humans alive. He is seen as the last hope for humanity… and the gods as well. This likely sounds like a jumble of barely-connected parts forced together by an incredibly strained screenplay, and that is absolutely right. When watching Immortals, you are so seduced by Tarsem’s direction that there’s barely any time to stop and reflect on the ridiculousness of the plot.
And oh boy is it ridiculous. None of the characters develop in a remotely natural way, and at times they make mistakes that are stupid even by movie standards. The plot doesn’t progress so long as it journeys from key moment to key moment as jarringly and unconvincingly as possible. When the inevitable Braveheart-esque pre-battle speech comes, it is one of the least exciting examples of this cliché in recent memory. This movie is just dumb as a bag of hammers, pure and simple, and if it were made by anybody with a less-competent grasp on visuals, it likely would have been an uphill battle for Immortals to get even a direct-to-DVD release. Jack & Jill has a stronger narrative than this, and if you read my ‘F’ review of that film you know that I would never say such a thing lightly. How anyone saw this as strong material is beyond me.
But you know what? There’s one scene with a giant tidal wave of oily water. That was pretty cool. And when the gods come down and start bursting heads with their giant hammers? That was pretty cool as well. Immortals is similar to Zack Snyder’s 300 in more ways than one, but most of all both share an uncanny ability to appeal to our most juvenile tendencies as moviegoers. Neither are great films—both are extraordinarily silly—but if it’s wrong to enjoy watching these action scenes play out in their typical slow-motion/fast-motion fashion then I don't want to be right. At times during Immortals you can practically feel the producers standing over Tarsem’s shoulder asking him to make it as much like 300 as possible, but luckily they chose a guy who could not only pull that off, but also not make it seem like a blatant rip-off. Immortals is Tarsem’s own, thoroughly ridiculous thing.
The film is also improved by the solid ensemble, who all do their part in taking dreadful material and making it surprisingly watchable. Cavill is impressive; upon first glance he seems like a standard-issue British beefcake, but as Immortals hums along he reveals that he has considerable charisma. His sidekicks Pinto and Stephen Dorff are also quite fun, even if they are playing two of the thinnest characters ever known to man. Most awesome to watch, however, is Rourke, who proves that his comeback performance in The Wrestler wasn’t entirely a fluke. (He’s certainly better here than in, say, Iron Man 2.) The cast does everything they can to keep Immortals’ head above water, and Tarsem makes it compulsively watchable, but at no point did anyone think to look at the script and say “this might need work.”
I slightly recommend Immortals because it is a pretty unforgettable theatrical experience, gigantic warts and all. Every scene is a feast for the eyes, though your inner film critic is going to be screaming in a fit of rage. (I would also like to make the case that whoever designed the headgear for this film deserves an honorary Oscar. Or Razzie. Or something.) It is a film with both a truly unique visual style and a truly unique lack of intelligence.
Grade: B-
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