Volume 19: Get Expendable-ier
The Expendables 2
Dir: Simon West – Planned release date: August 17
Recently it has come out that this sequel to The Expendables is going for a PG-13 rating as opposed to the R; a change that was allegedly demanded by Chuck Norris before he signed on. There are a few problems with this: 1) part of what made the original mildly appealing was the over-the-top violence, 2) that Norris sees himself as a treasure that people of all ages should be able to see as opposed to just adults, and 3) that the producers of this film decided they absolutely had to have Chuck Norris or else this project could go no further. I mean, what movie wouldn’t bend over backwards to get the star of William Tannen’s The Cutter? Other than that, I’m actually kind of excited to see what this film has to offer. The best news is that Stallone is no longer directing, which means we might be able to watch a scene that isn’t entirely composed of extreme close-ups. Plus, Arnold Schwarzenegger awkwardly returns to his rightful place behind the trigger of a gun. The Expendables partially succeeded as dumb fun, and I’m truly hoping the sequel takes it to even more ridiculous levels.
Project X
Dir: Nima Nourizadeh – Planned release date: March 2
This—and I don’t think I’m exaggerating—may be the most bonkers trailer I’ve ever seen. At first it was a little tough to tell the tone of this film, but as soon as Todd Phillips’ name showed up I understood that I was more or less dealing with an over-the-top teen party movie. It just happens to be about a party that has never happened in the history of mankind. This is a conceit I can accept, however. We have all seen more than our fair share of comically large high school parties depicted on film. However, things eventually take a turn when the freaking flamethrowers and riot police show up. Oh, and a car ends up in a pool. And all of this is presented as a “found footage” film, though the camerawork still looks awfully sleek. Not to mention that the main trio seems to be your typical teen movie stereotypes. I’m still interested in Project X, if only to see if it could possibly make all this insanity work. I should also note that it has the best MPAA rating descriptor of all time: “Rated R for crude and sexual content throughout, nudity, drugs, drinking, pervasive language, reckless behavior and mayhem—all involving teens.” Just a regular Tuesday for me, amirite?
Moonrise Kingdom
Dir: Wes Anderson – Planned release date: May 25
If nothing else, this trailer for Moonrise Kingdom proves that Wes Anderson certainly has a type. This is his first live-action film since The Darjeeling Limited, and not a whole lot has changed stylistically in the interim. Also, he apparently still hasn’t gotten over his crushes on Bill Murray and Jason Schwartzman. I’m not head-over-heels in love with Anderson like some—at times his shtick annoys more than it charms—but Moonrise Kingdom looks like it could be my cup of Andersonian tea. This is mostly because of the insane cast, which features a joyously enthusiastic Edward Norton, a recently-awoken Bruce Willis, Tilda Swinton looking particularly regal, and Frances McDormand in a role that could only be more interesting than her part in Transformers 3. Hey, remember how she was in that? Weird, right?
Friends With Kids
Dir: Jennifer Westfeldt – Planned release date: March 9
If you didn’t know better, this trailer for Friends With Kids would lead you to believe the cast of Bridesmaids was actually a comedy troupe that decided to start making movies together. Seriously, this movie’s a Melissa McCarthy away from becoming a full-on one-year reunion. In reality, Friends with Kids is the directorial debut of Jennifer Westfeldt, who also stars as a woman that decides to platonically have a baby with Adam Scott. This all seems like a ridiculous premise that could only happen within the confines of a screenplay, but I’m convinced that this cast—Chris O’Dowd’s strained American accent notwithstanding—will be able to make a reasonably funny movie out of it. I’m also anxious to see if Friends With Kids can make Megan Fox a viable comic actress, and starring in movies like this is a step in the right direction of she wants to get out of the shadow of Transformers and Jonah Hex.
W.E.
Dir: Madonna - Planned release date: February 3
It’s no secret that until now, Madonna’s film career has not been illustrious. Since the turn of the century, the best film in which she has starred may in fact be Die Another Day. This isn’t saying a whole lot, because Die Another Day is a film I want to tear apart with my bare hands. This February’s W.E. is her second directorial effort after 2008’s Filth and Wisdom, and early reviews have not been kind. Nothing looks overtly terrible in this trailer, and the most distracting aspect of it is not the apparent quality but the fact that so much of the Wallis Simpson story was covered recently in The King’s Speech, which is a movie you might have heard of. (When Laurence Fox shows up to stutter for a few seconds, it feels like you’re watching The Asylum doing Oscar bait.) Madonna changes it up by also throwing in a storyline about a modern-day woman who’s fascinated by Simpson, and also by making the film look exactly like you’d expect a Madonna film to look. W.E. also marks the reunion of Oscar Isaac and Abbie Cornish, who last starred together in Sucker Punch. Here's hoping Isaac is slightly nicer to her this time.
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