Volume 23: Life After Twilight
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2
Dir: Bill Condon – Planned release date: November 16
Just as The Hunger Games marked the beginning of a new, incredibly lucrative franchise based on a series of popular young adult books, this trailer came along as a reminder that we still need to get this crap out of the way before we can delve even deeper into Katniss Everdeen’s adventures in Panem. There’s not a whole lot to this new teaser for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 (*catches breath*) besides the message that this series still has one final chapter left to offer. And from what I can tell, our ever-dour protagonist Bella Swan is now a vampire; as indicated by her ability to run through the woods like someone out of Benny Hill, her brand spankin’ new pair of creepy red eyes, and her apparent desire for some good old-fashioned deer flesh. So I know what this means? Not a clue, because the entirety of my Twilight knowledge comes via advertising and what people tell me secondhand. I’m guessing this means she survived the birth of her vampire baby that we saw in the trailer for Part 1, so hooray for that.
I’d be remiss if I did not mention the brief appearance of Taylor Lautner as Jacob, whose line delivery is as wooden as ever in the two seconds we see him. All in all, this teaser reminds me a great deal of the one we saw last summer for The Dark Knight Rises. I did not particularly care for that preview, so imagine what I think of this one.
On the Road
Dir: Walter Salles – Planned release date: May 23
As a wise man once said: “when one door closes, another one opens.” Such is the case with the Twilight series, and as it finally comes to an end the stars are left to wonder how they will continue to make millions of dollars going forward. Funnily enough, our two Twilight lovebirds have both decided to move on to literary adaptations of books that would seem to defy the cinematic medium. Even stranger: both of these films will be released on the same day. Stewart’s film likely has better financial (if not critical) prospects, and it is the first film version of Jack Kerouac’s On the Road. It’s hard to tell exactly what we’re going to get out of the finished film based on the trailer, but die-hard Kerouac fans may not exactly be thrilled by the pure road trip narrative being advertised here. Also, die-hard Kerouac fans may not exactly be thrilled by the prominence of Kristen Stewart advertised here. But if the film betrays the spirit of the book like some fear it might, Stewart will be the last of the potential problems. I’d be lying if I said I was pumped for this, but I’m interested to see what comes out.
Cosmopolis (Potentially NSFW)
Dir: David Cronenberg – Planned release date: May 23
I don’t know about you, but I am much, much more pumped for David Cronenberg’s Cosmopolis, which shows Robert Pattinson entering decidedly… adult territory. This is a short preview, but in these 34 seconds we get Pattinson asking for a half-naked woman to shoot him, shooting himself through the hand, a man getting stabbed in the eye, weird giant animals, and a whole lot else that flies by before you can make it out. In a strange way, I think Cronenberg’s wackadoo-zoo style here may be a perfect match for Pattinson’s rather detached persona, and even if Cosmopolis doesn’t work out I hope he continues to flex his acting muscles with more challenging material. He also gets to be frequently pale here, so maybe this isn’t such a departure from Twilight. Either way, color me intrigued.
Dark Shadows
Dir: Tim Burton – Planned release date: May 11
We now leave all Twilight-related discussion in favor of a film about… a vampire? Well, shucks. Anyway, at least this adaptation of an old “gothic soap opera” (thanks, Wikipedia) seems to be having more fun with it. I will say that I quite enjoy the fake-out here; the first third or so seems to be advertising a more humorless affair, but when we hit the ’70s it becomes a rather amusing fish-out-of-water story. Some of the humor may be a little tired, but often Tim Burton and Johnny Depp find a fun way to play with it. (“Release yourself, tiny songstress” is one example.) I’m still a skeptic of the modern Burton, but I’m quite anxious to see if Dark Shadows lives up to the not-inconsiderable promise here. I also like the idea of Chloë Moretz as the icy teenage daughter. If all we get out of this film are a few fun scenes of Moretz/Depp back-and-forth, then that alone may be the price of admission.
Prometheus
Dir: Ridley Scott – Planned release date: June 8
Even though Ridley Scott’s recent film career has been spotty at best, film fans everywhere seem to be peeing their pants in anticipation for Prometheus, the new sci-fi film that is not a prequel to Alien yet still kind of exists in the Alien universe. Or whatever. Honestly, I’m past caring about such semantics. This movie looks like it has the potential to be all kinds of awesome, though I’m choosing to keep my optimism at a cautious level. I’ve been burned before, and I’m prepared to be burned again. Though even if Prometheus itself isn’t so awesome, it certainly looks awesome as far as visuals are concerned. I haven’t seen this or any trailer in 3-D, but I’m anxious to see if the effects turn out as great as I think they can be. In short, you can count me among the excited.
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