The Tourist (Review)

Johnny Depp was born to play many roles. Terrible film directors, scissorhanded teenagers and drunken pirates all are examples of the usual Depp role. Math teachers from Wisconsin, however, don’t exactly fit the bill. This is just one of the problems faced by The Tourist, the latest Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck joint. As it turns out, this is the least implausible development in a movie that ratchets up the insanity scene after scene. When absolutely nothing rings true, it’s hard to muster up a sense of enjoyment.

It’s a shame, because the cast is illustrious across the board, and the two leads are a couple of the most famous stars in Hollywood right now. Angelina Jolie plays Elise Ward, a woman who has been romantically linked to criminal Alexander Pearce. She is being followed by the International Police when she boards the train and sits across from our aforementioned Midwestern math teacher Frank Tupelo (Depp). Suddenly she’s got everyone from the police to the mob convinced that this man is Pearce, and much shooting ensues.

There’s a fun, Hitchcockian thriller to be found here, but not without a few more script rewrites and, sadly, two new stars on the poster. Depp and Jolie are both great actors, but for one reason or another when thrown together they have the chemistry of vampires and garlic. There exists an impenetrable wall between them, and while that helps the early scenes depicting Frank as a fish out of water, when their emotions grow more serious it seems to come from out of the blue. It all turns to love way too fast.

The Tourist is a production that was doomed from the start, going through many directors including Lasse Hallström (What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, Dear John), Bharat Nalluri (Miss Pettigrew Lives For a Day), and Alfonso Cuarón (Y tu mamá también, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Children of Men). The lead roles also went through many changes, with Depp’s part originally planned for Tom Cruise and/or Sam Worthington and Jolie’s part planned for Charlize Theron. Historically, if a production goes through this many alterations, the end product often doesn't turn out great, and The Tourist is no exception.

There are moments of genuine fun, but it's all undone by the absolutely ridiculous ending that manages not only to be ludicrous but incredibly lazy. It all makes much more sense when one notices the screenplay was written not only by Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck (yes, I copied and pasted), but also by Julian Fellowes (The Young Victoria) and Christopher McQuarrie, the latter being the man who wrote The Usual Suspects, the movie with the original ridiculous plot twist. The difference is that Suspects pulled it off with a reasonable level of intelligence. Here it’s beyond redemption.

Just yesterday the Golden Globe nominations were announced, and it is beyond belief that this film was nominated at all, let alone for three awards. It not only points out the pointlessness of the whole affair, but also calls into question what constitutes “Musical or Comedy”. At no point in The Tourist does Johnny Depp break in to “That’s Entertainment!”, and while there are moments intended for laughs it never becomes a full-on comedy. For one reason or another the Golden Globes consider all movies with slightly brighter colors to be musicals and comedies. Also, I’m not entirely sure why the performances of Depp and Jolie were nominated. Probably because their names are Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie.

That said, it’s all very beautiful to look at, thanks to a gorgeous European locale and seasoned cinematographer John Seale. The Tourist seems convinced that its aesthetic polish, along with two fine-looking leads, will be able to carry it all the way home. It’s all looks and no brains.

Rating:  (out of 4)