Volume 14: It’s Assembling Time
The Avengers
Dir: Joss Whedon – Expected release date: May 4, 2012
So after enduring several Marvel films with far too much distracting build-up, at long last we get our first substantive look at The Avengers. And, well… it certainly seems expensive, doesn’t it? Look, I don’t think this preview looks bad, but I’m also not salivating like many seem to be. On the whole, it just comes off like any other action movie trailer. The Avengers is supposed to be the superhero movie to end all superhero movies, and I was hoping this first trailer would be appropriately grandiose. Instead, it was just another one that interested me but didn’t have me peeing my pants in anticipation. I like all of the heroes in The Avengers, and I like the idea of the movie, but I’m starting to become slightly worried that it’s just going to be a movie rather than the movie. In this case, I don’t think that mindset is wrongheaded. The Avengers is one of next year’s two biggest event films that will make a ton of money, and I was hoping the direction of Joss Whedon would hint at a little more flavor than this.
It’s still a fun trailer, and it does nothing to lower my anticipation of the movie. It’s just… we’ve spent so much time waiting for The Avengers that I feel like it can only wind up being a disappointment. We paid all that money to see Thor, and it just wound up being little more than a prequel! (Same with Iron Man 2.) Marvel has been buttering us up for so long that they convinced us they were going to completely blow our minds with this movie. Well, I’m not there yet. I should also note that there’s suspiciously little Hulk in this trailer, with only a brief glimpse of Mark Ruffalo coming at preview’s end. In all likelihood, this means that the effects aren’t done, but I remain concerned that the normally laid-back Ruffalo was miscast here. When he gets angry in films, he normally has to put a lot of effort into it. Bruce Banner essentially gets angry for a living. I mean, look at the picture I posted above. I’m not sure if he’s working on his Hulk look or if he’s taking the lead in a Zoolander sequel.
The Muppets
Dir: James Bobin – Planned release date: November 23
It seems like The Muppets has been making its existence known for months, mostly thanks to a bunch of parody trailers and various viral campaigns. But at long last, this latest preview gives us all a look at the actual movie, and how it takes place in a world where Rico Rodriguez qualifies as a high-profile celebrity cameo. (I love the kid, but really?) The basic gist? The Muppets are no longer famous, so they attempt to put together a big show that makes them famous again. All while the evil villain Chris Cooper stands in their way, and the camera shows us waaaaay too much of the Muppets’ feet. Seriously, that’s the kind of stuff that can give me nightmares. Otherwise, this movie looks as promisingly kooky as ever, and once again I will choose to reiterate my stance on this film: if you claim to have no interest in The Muppets, you are lying to yourself. They are awesome, and twice as awesome as you or I could ever hope to be. I mean, they popularized “Mahna Mahna.” For that alone, they deserve all the money. Just all of it.
The Raven
Dir: James McTeigue – Planned release date: March 9, 2012
Hey, you know the Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes films? How about we take that same idea, but have it be about Edgar Allen Poe! Genius, no? Wait… apparently The Raven has beaten me to this idea, darn it all. No, this isn’t an adaptation of Poe’s poem, which would frankly make for a rather boring movie unless the Raven threw in some wisecracks between the calls of “nevermore” and was voiced by Paul Giamatti. Instead, it’s a mystery movie about a serial killer who bases all his murders after Poe’s works. So logically, Poe is asked to be a consultant for the police as they attempt to track him down… until things get personal once the killer takes away Poe’s cousin/wife Virginia. Then Poe gets armed and dangerous real fast.
On top of being one of those movies where characters talk in a stern whisper like no one ever has, The Raven just seems simultaneously silly and way too self-serious. I’m not asking the movie to wink at me, but it shouldn’t start acting like The Raven is a freaking history lesson? It’s a dumb, completely fictional movie that has absolutely nothing to do with the real Edgar Allen Poe, and it bothers me that Cusack seems to be approaching the role like an Oscar’s waiting at the other end. Also, this trailer appears to give away the entire plot with the exception of how it ends. As far as that detail is concerned, I have my guesses.
Premium Rush
Dir: David Koepp – Planned release date: January 13, 2012
Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a busy man these days; so much so that he decided to star in this Tony Scott-like bike thriller directed by veteran screenwriter David Koepp. I’m not too sure what to make of this, beside the fact that it opens in January (bad sign) and is about a New York City bike messenger who gets over his head and has to escape the bad guys by using his awesome bike moves. It could be fun, it could be ridiculous, or (most likely) it could be both. Helping the “fun” side of the equation is the appearance of Michael Shannon, who is quickly becoming one of the most awesomely intense actors out there. The other takeaway? Premium Rush is the first movie in history to use the tagline “every second counts.” I didn’t do any fact checking on that, but let’s assume I’m right.
This Means War
Dir: McG – Planned release date: February 17, 2012
Often when people say “I’m amazed they gave that movie a green light,” they are insulting the wrongheadedness of the material itself. However, I think This Means War looks like it could be potentially good. Yet I’m amazed—amazed—that this movie exists and all these people are involved in it. On paper, this must have seemed like the broadest and silliest possible concept. Yet here we are with a Chris Pine/Tom Hardy buddy action comedy about how they are both dating the same girl (Reese Witherspoon). Maybe Pine’s involvement I could get, but up until this point Hardy has become the model of the modern Serious Actor. In this film, he gets a paintball to the groin. This isn’t the worst thing it the world, it’s just weird. It just seems like a bunch of gags that aren’t unfunny, but not particularly hilarious either. Also, there’s some serious explode-y action to be found here, and that is supposed to co-exist with the Pine/Hardy/Witherspoon hijinks? Again, I can see how this is good. But it’s just so weird. And Chelsea Handler is in this? What is going on?
This Means War is the work of McG, whose previous work includes both Charlie’s Angels films, We Are Marshall and Terminator Salvation. So yeah, he hasn’t exactly endeared himself to critics. This film seems stylish and action-packed enough, and maybe this is the direction he needs to take his talents, but again… this just seems like a very strange project for everyone involved. There is one joke here: that the two spies will do whatever it takes to make sure the other is seen as an inadequate lover. Again, this can be funny, but the production value and (mostly) quality cast just throws me for a loop. Best case scenario: it’s a fun piece of escapist entertainment. Worst case scenario: it’s just another Knight and Day. I fear the latter.
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